I wanted to tweet this guy who replied to me, Michael Ashcroft and Tim Rooney in Chinese but it felt weird to continue the conversation seeing as how the rest weren’t replying. This is like how I’m often the active one kickstarting a conversation but somehow the subsequent conversations wouldn’t revolve around me. I didn’t like it for some reason and I hope to explore the reasons in this blog post. Is it a certain discomfort with myself and a lack of acceptance to what I do? Then again the climb involves unlearning old habits, learning new skills and reevaluating existing ideas. In short, a simultaneous unsatisfaction, acceptance and constant striving will lead to growth. It's not contradictory to accept yourself while remain unsatisfied as you hone yourself or your craft.

What I actually meant by “wouldn’t revolve around me” is that the topic would have moved on to something else and I don’t know how to get involved in it. Sometimes I don’t know how to reply to people, I just don’t have anything to say. I’ve learnt a nifty trick from Visa which is to reply with emojis like ❤️😭😆. Come to think of it even Michael does that too. He’s a tactful, sensitive guy, it’s no wonder he’s a community leader. Now I feel embarrassed about saying mean things to his step-daughter Ms Pepper about her motherland. What's wrong with me lol? Why did I try to point out to her that her country was rampant with corruption? Is this some advanced negging?

My friend joined a coding bootcamp because of me and one of the post-graduation requirements is to secure a full-time Software Engineer (SE) role. This was the government’s requirement because they subsidised 16k for all Singaporeans to increase the supply of SEs. However, he struggled with it and I believe he hasn’t had any luck lately. I was talking about doing whatever it takes to get a job and he said something about taking it slow for now. Ah! I know why he was annoyed at me. I was repeatedly telling him the many possible tactics to secure a full-time SE job and he didn’t take it that well. There wasn’t tact or consideration on my part. I should have moved to other topics since he didn’t like it or probe the reason behind his reluctance. Why did I feel the need to tell him to wake up his idea? Did I impose my wish on him?

The timing of when I say things in a group is still off sometimes. What does it mean? Like I’ll say things and nobody will reply. Am I being too self-conscious or result-dependent when I say this? What if most of these micro-tactics are trivial compared to one’s state of mind? On this regard, I find @SeanMombo tweet helpful: “These kinds of questions feel a bit awkward and weird when ego gets involved and people get defensive. I think having good rapport helps more than anything.” I am sure there are useful hacks and tricks, but most importantly I should have fun and get a good grasp of the Mood. These days I have become more comfortable with expressing myself even when nobody replies me. I realise a lot of men's talk are just them sharing thoughts and opinions.

Last updated: 25 July 2021