I noticed there’s a recurring pattern to how I flirt with girls. For example, I happened to be walking behind two NUS interns (C & C) on a rainy day. She was sharing an umbrella with the guy and walking side by side together to the nearby station. I made fun of her by saying the both of them looked sweet sharing an umbrella. It was child’s play in both sense of the phrase.

Why did I do that? I think I did it because she was sort of pretty and I wanted to get her attention. It doesn’t help that I wasn’t a well-respected individual in the group. I can’t believe mean behaviour was actually my big-brain 200 IQ strat to get girls lol. It’s been ingrained in me ever since I was young: my emotional patterns and social interaction behaviours actually bears uncanny resemblance to that of my dad’s. I used to be the stereotypical Tsundere, cold and hostile before gradually warming up and showing a friendlier side.

The next time we met she was cold and distant. Our conversation still went on as per normal, but she wasn’t asking me questions or showing interest in me anymore. Is this how one becomes a Tsundere?

I have this theory that my dad behaves like that because he’s been hurt by the people around him whom he felt couldn’t understand him. Why didn’t they understand him? He’s not good at getting his points across, he’d meandered and talk about what he thinks is relevant which on closer inspection isn’t really relevant to the dialogue. Nobody is owed anything in conversations, sure it’s good to adopt charitable interpretation towards people and assume ignorance not malice in the absence of evidence. However, if you want people to understand you, you jolly well do the necessary groundwork and build a solid bridge to connect with other islands. After all no one is an island. My parents’ generation problem was survival, mine self-actualisation.

My dad is not conscious of the underlying subtext in a conversation. He doesn’t seek to the control the “rules of the game” unlike my brother and plays within it. He is an educated fool alright. I’m still amazed by his vast knowledge of law precedents, Chinese history and world affairs and his incredible memory of facts and quotes at 60 years old. What is more surprising is his utter incompetence with the practical aspect of the day-to-day life. I said fool because he’s very knowledgable but is lacking in common sense. He doesn’t know how to deal with people because of his derelict Theory of Mind and he detests learning it; how to leverage on his knowledge to get ahead in life (related to peopling); how to capitalise on opportunity because he’s impeded by his own neurosis. I won’t get into the details here, I sense a few potential posts.

If you think I’m talking about him, you’re wrong. I’m talking about myself.

Last updated: 25 July 2021