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Saurya: My most liked tweets are some random joke I made on some mega account. My most brilliant tweets IMO got no likes at all

Me: IMO your tweets are underrated lol it’s funny and intelligent. What’s your most brilliant tweet?

Saurya: Thank you!! I will have to dig for it when I am less sleepy!!

Thread: https://twitter.com/Jenlky/status/1260608802925064192

This was after 5 back and forth tweets at ~12:30am. I’m writing about this because a large part of the twitter/social game has to do with how you frame your request. A question like “what’s your most brilliant tweet?” is a more demanding request that is often used in interviews or in-person conversations between friends. In this case, Saurya acknowledges and gives appreciation for the good intention and drops the request politely with a valid, socially acceptable excuse.

Let’s look at a few examples - “let me know when you’re interested to share” suggests the person is not interested to share at the moment. “Feel free to share with me your most brilliant tweets” is giving permission to the other person to share their tweets. It gives the green light and solicits sharing.

If I were to say “I’d love to read your most brilliant tweets”, it would convey my admiration and intention while making it easier for the other person to drop the request. It’s less needy, less demanding which is perfect given how well we know each other. It’s interesting how a lot of flirting and fooling around is based on plausible deniability.

Plausible deniability constructs an exclusive mutual space that is either burst by someone or dissipates on its own. You may be guilty of it before by being too serious, I know that I have. You can tell you’re the one from replies like “oh nah I am just kidding”. When I was a lot younger, I really detest that feeling of losing a bout.

This raises the issue of implicit request vs explicit request. When an implicit request fails, the person has to state it explicitly to get the message across. The scene that comes to mind is that of a woman asking a guy if he’d like to come over to her place for tea/coffee. The dense guy replies I don’t drink coffee and declines or, even worse, he accepts the request without being privy to her real intentions.

Another idea I want to explore is requests couched in preferences or more accurately, requests expressed as preferences. In this context, all preferences is a request. Does that mean people who are better at making requests are better at expressing their preferences? Does that mean they are more confident and comfortable at expressing their preferences? What does this say about their relationship with themselves? I remember reading about how people who come from money shamelessly request for a ton of things, while people who didn’t come from money are afraid of looking like they want a “free handout” or seeming incompetent.

I remember watching a Chinese anime series that showed a marvel example of this. There was a group of explorers stuck in a pyramid and the exit was shut tight. To open the door, someone had to lie on the tomb to allow the rest to escape. The gangster said he’ll leave the demoralising coward behind and whoever does not approve, please raise their hands. He added that he would only knock the coward out. Nobody raised their hands - he got what he wanted and the group is spared from a morale drainer. By framing his request like that, it makes any opposition harder as they have to overcome the inertia of raising their hands out.

Last updated: 25 July 2021