The previous post was meant to clarify my interests and hobbies. S has shown me the importance of talking about your interests because that’s the only way you can attract like-minded individuals. When he meets someone the first time, he shares his own interest, gauges their response and inquires their interest. This helps them recognise a common talking point that can be used to deepen the friendship in the future. Visa does the same thing when he obsessively talks about being kind and nurturing to one another. Thus, he in turn attracts other friendly ambitious nerds. The law of attraction is in action.
Neither Miya nor I do it. When I’m with my colleagues, not just with them actually, I keep myself small - that’s why nobody knows what my interests are and how to meet me. Thinking about it, what often happens is when other people are talking about a topic I’m not interested in, I have a hard time chiming in. On the other hand, I tend to be more personal and outspoken with my friends because we have more in common.
In my view, talking about your interests helps to negotiate the talking points so it’s less alienating and more accommodating. It can even make the other party feel more comfortable by taking the conversational load off their shoulders. It suddenly occurred to me that the reason I write a blog post or use Twitter is because I have many ideas and experience to share, but the people around me don’t seem to appreciate it. They don’t seem to care. That’s a problem that Visa has managed to solve and I look forward to making progress on it.
S has a group of friends that goes a long way back. I have had the privilege of being invited into his circle. It has shown me how they maintain friendships and most importantly glean insights into the actions they took. They share news and memes regularly and play video games together once a week. It’s these small things that go a long way. What keeps the friendship going is this constant feedback loop of interest and activity.
I’m starting to appreciate all the other ways of being met. This has in part got to do with realising and expanding my own common grounds with people. It’s interesting how a stroke, the fundamental unit of social action, can be met in as many different ways as there are to demand it. In the same way, I can imagine myself interested in board games, making memes, hiking and many other activities - I am starting to value almost any other utility of friendships. The great news about this is writing itself will speed up and tighten my OODA (observe, orient, decide, act) like a kegel exercise.
Recently I got off a 2.5 hours phone call with Miya and felt refreshed and energised. It’s an amazing feeling to Speak and be Heard, I want to have more of this in my life.
Last updated: 25 July 2021